There’s a war going on inside of me
Sometimes when I miss you,
I don’t know whether to give into the anxiety
Or be thankful for what you’re giving me.
It’s an ongoing battle each and every day
When I feel you slipping far and away
Whether to hold on to you more dearly
Or to loosen my grip that was once held fiercely.
Two personas fight hard and rough
Who will I end up giving into though?
The Mary that puts your happiness first for always
Or the Mary with a thirst for retribution in many ways.
But all it ever comes down to as I lay alone at night
Is how you’ve inhabited my being and made it yours
And where do I stand within your life and light
The answer scares me and leaves me morose.
But the questions that this war inside beg for the most
Is how come I’ve always known about the others—
Was it just a game that I was meant to have lost
And will they ever know of my existence, how you love me, and how I came first?