So I watched Real Steel with my younger brother in order to entertain him and take his mind off some personal issues. Afterwards, we had about more than 2 hours to kill since my car is on coding (see #ThirdWorldProblems). It’s just natural that I let my brother do what he really likes–which is to play computer games and not hang out with me… while I on the other hand, have a book-and-tea date with myself.
While trying to focus on my books and my favorite tea and pasta from CBTL, I notice people staring at me–primarily because I got the whole sofa to myself and primarily because I was just with myself. It’s both a happy and sad reality that I’m so used to ‘mastur-dating’–a term they use for people who take themselves out on a date…with just their lonesome selves and no one else. And at some point, I wondered if it was bothering me that I was becoming ~too~ comfortable in being with just my self. It scared me for a moment but it didn’t really ignite something in me to start mingling or God forbid, start partying like there’s no tomorrow (which is actually the last thing I want to do on a Saturday night, believe it or not). I don’t know if I’ve maxed out on my social skills during college that it’s only now that I really, really appreciate quality ‘me’ times and I have no urge whatsoever to jump in on chances of attending huge gatherings and parties.
I still don’t know what the point of this post really is but I just had to share my thoughts on what I’ve become–alone but not really lonely. I’m still thinking hard if this is a good or bad thing but it’s not like I’ve shut the whole world off. I do go out (once in a blue moon) and meet up with my friends, but on most days, I’d rather stay at home or go to the nearest coffee shop armed only with a good book and my favorite cup of tea. It does scare me a bit that I might get too used to being alone, which is something I don’t want to be for the rest of my life, but I guess this is just me trying to let go of all the pretensions and facades I’ve put on before and finally starting to embrace a rawer and more natural version of myself.
Okay… that still didn’t make any sense but it’s the best I can do at the moment. And in the meantime, I guess it’ll still be a table for one…but if you ask me, I’m feeling pretty great and excited about it. And I think that what I’m more afraid of is the fact that I’m not scared about it at all. And once again, I don’t make sense. Good times.